just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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