I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
