u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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