How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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