Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a squirter
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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