I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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