and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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