I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
