super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
