remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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