to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
