Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
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i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
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I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.