i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox