i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.