What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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