Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.