Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me