smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.