either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.