I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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