Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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