I want to make a zoo with you.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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