Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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