Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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