I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Randomize
