Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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