I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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