I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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