Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
