i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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