He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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