man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
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I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
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So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..