Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
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four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
whose parrot is this?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"