Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things