Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
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There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
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I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.