There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."