Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
