i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
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