Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
