worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
