Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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