I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
