you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
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