Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize