who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
