so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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