Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
