why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
