you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
