I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
