the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize