i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
