there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?