It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
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you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
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He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.