3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not