Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?