It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."