I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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