he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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