I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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