he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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