I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
