I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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