He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize